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Bill''s Testimony from Easter Sunday from Grace Bible Church on Vimeo.

Shame, Guilt & Hope

"Why are you in despair, O my soul? And why have you become disturbed within me?" ~Ps. 42:11

Ours is often a journey of shadows.

Have you ever had dark questions trembling within you? Maybe not in those terms; using dated words like O, despair, disturbed, or soul. Probably not using words at all, but instead with groans only inwardly audible. Yet, the essence of the questions sat heavy in your gut making you nauseous. Maybe those questions were heard in the hangover after a night of succumbing to peer pressure partying where drunkenness and lustful indiscretions happened. Or maybe you've felt the rough undertone of interrogation after being consumed in the online fantasy world of triple X deceit. All so easily justified beforehand. To be sure, we never find in sin what we go to sin to find.

Shame and Guilt: A two headed shadow monster of the past and present. They are different from one another, but share the common characteristic of being the heart aching, soul crippling, and faith shrinking afterbirth of a sinful consummation. Guilt applies to things you have done. But, the root of our soul's despair is in our shame - the person we are. Shame ambushes you in the still darkness of the pre-bedtime meditations, the early morning quiet times, and in the stifling doubts that accompany a new venture for God. It echoes, "Will I ever change?" Shame says, "This is the real you: damaged, dirty, and broken beyond repair." Condemnation and accusations in true Satanic style: There is no hope. Using the Garden mixture of overpowering truth with subtle lie concocted to convince you that your not-yet completeness in Christ is evidence of your non-salvation and orphaned reality. Yet, as it was in Eden it is so in your mind; a glass of pure water with a drop of poison makes the entire mixture undrinkable. Do not drink the lies that Shame is serving. You are His. You are His Beloved. You are His Beloved Child. Martin L. was right, all of life is (continual/perpetual/never-ending) repentance. And repentance is stronger proof than guilt and shame that the Spirit is in you and since it is in you - you are in Christ! The despairing psalmist provides the sign that points us onto the path of righteousness away from guilt and shame and toward God. Written on that sign is the declaration and demand - HOPE. There is now, right now, no condemnation for you (or me) in Christ Jesus. Preach it to yourself when temptation lurks and shame slithers near. Let the light of the Gospel burn brighter than the dim arguments of the Flesh and the Serpent.

Submit every competing hope, putting it in God alone, for this properly placed hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out and into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. So then, we will yet praise him, our Savior and our God. (Ps. 42: 11, Rom 5: 5)

Beauty Surrounding Duty

The latest book I am reading, "Counsel from the Cross", has me pausing and pondering and I thought I would process out loud; listen in if you'd like.

Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. ~Eph. 5:1

When you read that verse what words really stuck out to you. Be honest. Your initial thought; place it in your mind. If you're like me be imitators got there first (which quickly translated to just imitate, and then must imitate).

I am afraid that we are designed to process in such a way as to filter out the familiar. All too often we hasten through life. Yes, in our haste we waste. Our senses are dulled: we myopically look without really seeing, experience busily bifurcated hearing without listening, rush to eat without tasting, necessarily breathe without smelling, and customarily touch without feeling. We load shed the familiar in our frenzy and it all fades while we focus on our litany of functions.

Our faith, our very relationship with the living God, the lover of our souls, is no different. If we spend anytime in the Word or prayer (and that is a big IF), we will likely leave each block-checking session with a tidy little take-away list of do's and don'ts. And so the Gospel goes. It just fades; relegated to the white noise of the "already known" and "fully understood". After all we have important things to do.

But, back to our verse. Take another look: what do you see? what do you hear? Ah, did you catch those words - "as beloved children"? Our identity! The very thing that informs every other thing. Look again. There is that easily forgotten, but immensely important "Therefore" (when you see the word therefore always ask what is it there for ;-). In the context of the first few chapters of the book of Ephesians it is a reminder informing us that in light of our justification, having been fully forgiven . . . Amazing, huh? The "therefore" guides the kind of imitating we are to be about. Not just some generic Godly-character-building evolution, but forgiving others as we have been forgiven in Christ. Do you see how easy it is to miss such important things as "therefore" in our filtering frenzy? Metaphorically, we ate our daily bread, but failed to taste. We distilled the Gospel in our desire to create a to-do. When the Gospel goes, what is left is the bitter (like that "poor man's espresso" left in the wardroom coffee pot that was simmering all night) self-awareness of us, our short-comings and the things that must be done to compensate. And so the challenge: take an operational pause; listen, see, taste, smell and feel the Gospel beauty surrounding duty.

Destroyed By Duplicity

The integrity of the upright guides them, but the unfaithful are destroyed by their duplicity. ~Proverbs 11: 3



Duplicity: the contradictory doubleness of thought, speech, or action. Integrity (the antonym of duplicity): the quality or state of being complete, whole or undivided.

Duplicity/Destruction: these two words have been ringing in my ears for days. I am a duplicitous creature; I know this. And if you are honest with yourself you do too. We all do. In those quiet moments in the dark, as you lie awake, you know that your are not truly what you pretend to be all day in front of others. My life, all of me, lacks complete wholeness; an integrity without divide. So does yours. Are you afraid? I am. Of being found out. Of being caught in the lie. I do not desire duplicity, but I am incapable of . . . integrity . . . completely. Is there hope for wholeness?

And this wisdom word from Proverbs proves true as evidenced by the leadership failures of some of our Navy's Commanding Officers. But, I don't want to go there, at least not for too long. Because duplicity is my problem as well. So I wonder, will it destroy me (or you)?

Integrity or Duplicity: choose today. Will you be guided uprightly or digress a bit closer toward destruction?

Any Want

"Sin is any want of conformity unto, or transgression of, the law of God."

That TV show.
That amount of drink.
That website.
That music.
That view of the work culture.
That ambition.
That position.
That "to do" list.
That mirror.
That people-praise.
That reputation.

My heart . . . an idol factory!

"Son, whatever weakens your reasoning, impairs the tenderness of your conscience, obscures your sense of God, or takes away your relish for spiritual things; in short, if anything increases the authority and power of the flesh over the Spirit, then that to you becomes sin, however good it is in itself." ~Susanna Wesley (Mother of Charles and John)

"My identity as a sinner daily confronts me with how deep and pervasive my need actually is. My identity as a child of grace confronts me with how expansive my potential actually is." ~ P. D. Tripp

Junk In The Trunk

Matthew 6: 19-34 contains some very revealing and convicting words from Jesus. The Word is a mirror. Jesus talks about treasure. We all have a metaphorical treasure box that we daily place things in. Jesus ask me what treasure is in my trunk? I'm in a bad place lately where I've been pursuing the wrong treasure for the wrong person and the wrong kingdom.

Paul Tripp's comments on the passage:

"Christ's words alert us to the fact that either we are living for the physical treasures of the created world, which have a very short shelf-life, or we are living for the eternal satisfaction that can only be found in the treasures of God's Kingdom. This is why we cannot afford to live mindlessly, oblivious to the war of desire that rages in our hearts. God's accepting grace and transforming love are eternal treasures that will never pass away. They really are the only things in life worth living for. (Do I believe that?) When you live for the Kingdom of God, when God's purposes on earth become more precious and important to you than your purposes, you live for something that will never end. . . You see life always involves worship. Our lives revolve around the thing that has captured our attention and desire. We make continual offerings to it, sacrifices of time and energy and focus and resources, celebrating and holding up this thing to which we have ascribed such life-dominating value. This is true no matter what it is we worship: career (check) or wealth or comfort (check) or entertainment or reputation (check) or relationships or self-protection . . . or Christ (downcheck) . Whatever it is,we celebrate it."

The Great Tragedy

“One of the great tragedies of life is that men seldom bridge the gulf between practice and profession, between doing and saying. A persistent schizophrenia leaves so many of us tragically divided against ourselves. On the one hand, we proudly profess certain sublime and noble principles, but on the other hand, we sadly practice the very antithesis of these principles. How often are our lives characterized by a high blood pressure of creeds and an anemia of deeds! We talk eloquently about our commitment to the principles of Christianity, and yet our lives are saturated with the practices of paganism. We proclaim our devotion to democracy, but we sadly practice the very opposite of the democratic creed. We talk passionately about peace, and at the same time we assiduously prepare for war. We make our fervent pleas for the high road of justice, and then we tread unflinchingly the low road of injustice. This strange dichotomy, this agonizing gulf between the ought and the is, represents the tragic theme of man's earthly pilgrimage.” ― Martin Luther King Jr.